The Power of Kindness

This week is all about anniversaries in the Congdon house.

Between my wedding day and the day I received my green card, I navigated a licensing grey area. Technically, people who move to Texas have 90 days to update their license to reflect their new place of residence. But, until I received my green card, I didn’t have the necessary paperwork for a Texas license. Cumbersome, right?

While we waded through the immigration process, I volunteered at the church and took care of household errands. I needed mobility. I cruised around with my valid, unexpired Canadian license for months. Not the best, I know. But I’m a safe and cautious driver and figured as long as I adhered to the rules of the road, I was in the clear. Praise God, I never encountered any issues.

One year ago, my friend Molly and I discussed our mutual need to exchange our out-of-state licenses as part of our Texas assimilation. Neither of us was yearning for an hours-long wait in a stuffy DMV office, so we’d both been putting the process off. We decided to grit our teeth and made a date to go together. Yay, solidarity!

An Arduous (Stationary) Journey

We planned to arrive at our chosen DMV super center as soon as it opened. Coffee and carefully compiled manila folders in hand, we showed up to an already-growing line. We shuffled along at a snail’s pace until we finally made it to the registration desk. I handed over my documents and announced, “I’m here to exchange my Canadian license for a Texas license.” The look the receptionist threw would have led you to think Canada is as real a place as Narnia or Middle Earth. “I don’t know if we can do that, honey, but okay,” she cautioned through tight lips. With undue hesitation, she sorted and stamped and handed me a numbered slip of paper.

Molly and I chose our seats next to a messy-bun-topped mom juggling toddlers and an older Indian couple. An endless parade of irked strangers filled the space around us until the DMV was standing room only. We settled into our seat and passed a solid fifteen minutes updating Instagram stories, laughing over Buzzfeed quizzes, and getting into deep conversation. It didn’t take long for our rugrat neighbors to decide we were excellent new friends; the freckle-faced boy showed us his prized airplane (which was actually… a jumble of k’nex?) while his little sister shyly stood near us, occasionally making eye contact.

An hour in, only eight people had been called. Two hours in, and our numbers were still just hazy mirages in the distance. After three hours, the kids beside us started to whine about hunger. A gentleman who had been standing in the waiting area raised his gruff voice and declared, “This is ridiculous! We’ve been waiting here two hours!” The room was thick with a chorus of huffing and puffing. As time went on, the emotional climate in the room only got worse, with a handful more angry outbursts before Molly’s number finally showed up on the board. “Well, see ya later, pal,” she quipped as she hopped out of her seat. I feigned indignation and crossed my arms.

Kindness Counters Fear

There’s something you need to know about me: I failed my driver’s test three times before barely passing on my fourth attempt (I’m inclined to believe the assessor had ulterior motives and wasn’t being unbiased). I cried every single time (including the time I passed). It was a bad experience all around, and to this day feel anxious thinking about those tests. As soon as Molly left the area, my heart started pounding. All I could think was, Once I hand them my license, there’s a very real possibility they’ll make me take a driving test, or worse – they’ll make me schedule one for another day. I fretted and fussed, the idea of an elongated process leaving a sour taste in my mouth. But then, I had an idea.

Here’s something else you need to know about me: I make a game of being so-kind-it’s-appalling in unexpected scenarios. When I choose to be all-out crazy with kindness, I see a person’s countenance shift, I receive surprise opportunities, and I even make unlikely friends. It’s invigorating. It may seem like kindness is an outward-facing effort, but it splashes back on us. Proverbs 11:17 says “those who are kind benefit themselves”. Now, here’s the caveat: flattery does not count as kindness. Flattery is self-serving and dishonest. Kindness is others-oriented generosity, compassion, and grace. I wish I could say I get it right and always operate out of kindness, but I don’t. I’m working on it.

Kindness Increases Your Camp

My number popped up on the board and I determined to bowl this DMV employee over with kindness. I walked through a maze of cubicles to my designated station. I could have said, “Ugh, I’ve been waiting forever! Four hours? Outrageous!” And Angela from the DMV would have been obliged to say something like, “I’m sorry for the wait.” Here’s what I said instead:

“Angela, I’m SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!” I smiled big. This was true.

Angela looked alarmed and stiffened, as if bearing up for a mocking NOT. But then, after she realized I was genuine, she relaxed into a warm laugh and said, “Uh, I’m so happy to see you too!” We got to business, sorting through my paperwork. “Canada!” She exclaimed. “I have family in Canada. My niece and nephew live in Saskatchewan.” We chatted about Canada. I asked her if she had any plans for the weekend. She shared some personal family dilemmas and her hope for a special graduation weekend in spite of them. I had the chance to pray for her, that it would be so.

We ran into a couple glitches (“Oops, these two documents come from the same company.”), but I successfully got through my DMV appointment with the bonuses of laughter and valuable conversation. When the time came to take my picture, Angela snapped a shot then said, “Oh, girl, we can do better,” just like a real friend would. We laughed and on the fifth shot, we got it. A few minutes later, I had my paper license and was waving goodbye to Angela, telling her I’d pray for her. Oh, and she didn’t make me take a driving test.

Showing kindness to Angela when everyone else had been confrontational and rude made her feel seen and significant. It resulted in an improvement for both our days. And honestly, my efforts were feeble at best. There’s so much more I could have done. But if it’s as easy as that, imagine how different the world would look if we each made it our mission to show intentional kindness to each person we cross paths with. God designed it to be simple. It’s a perfect design.

I challenge you to express extravagant, out-of-your-comfort-zone kindness to someone you don’t know this week. Then come back here and tell me about it!

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